I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
