You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
