im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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