haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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