She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
