no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
