tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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