I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
