I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
