I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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