Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
