I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
