i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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