If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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