Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
