dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
