He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
