And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
