Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
