the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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