It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize