Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
