just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
