It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
