If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
