I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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