It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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