why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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