Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
