If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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