fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
