He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
