I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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