There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
