she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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