Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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