So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
