He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
