I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
