Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
