hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
