we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to calm my uterus...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
