One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
