Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
