i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
