I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize