I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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