I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
