i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
