I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
