yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
