It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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