i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
