ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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