my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
