my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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