I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As shirtless as possible
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
