I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
