bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
