sarcasm needs its own font
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize