I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
