He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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