Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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