Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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