he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
