And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
