why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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