WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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