It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
