just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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