Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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