so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
