She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
