Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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