pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
