when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
is that a dick in a sweater?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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