awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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