i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
