Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize