i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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