i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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