i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
